Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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