Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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