yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
