sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i now understand why vodka
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
