I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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