he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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