HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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