It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
