Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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