this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
