no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
