when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
