he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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