It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
