I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
