She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
