How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
