At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
