Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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