that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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