i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
