did you get engaged???
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Vodka?
Forever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
