When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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