get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
