That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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