just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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