If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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