You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
