i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
