Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
