at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
