Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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