Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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