He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
