I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
