wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
