is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
