Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
