Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
