i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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