All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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