East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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