I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
last night I used snow as a chaser
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
