Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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