Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
