And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Found the puke drawer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
