my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
