The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
