U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
