I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
