You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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