I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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