i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
