no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
