I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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