just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
