I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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