im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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