Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
