"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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