obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
