so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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