woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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