my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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