My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
