I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
