Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
