ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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