he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
