Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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