First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
