Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
