A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
