I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
