Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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