she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
