I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
