9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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