My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
